FICKLE PICKLE

Posted byThe Lagos AjeboPosted inLifestyle, Mental HealthTags:,

Remind your mind; Anxiety na bastard

The Lagos Ajebo, 20forever

List of things I don’t “feel” like doing
1. Putting this blog post out there
2. Sending my friends BCs to help spread awareness about my blog
3. Working out
4. Saving money and not satisfying my cravings

Before, during or after reading this post, I want you to stand in front of a mirror, beat your chest five times and tell yourself “anxiety na bastard sha”.

You may be wondering why I am repeating that sentence. In recent times, I have been seeing a LOT of posts or content tilted towards mental health and I couldn’t be happier. Mental health is a topic that is important to me because I’ve had my fair share of dilemmas regarding my mental health. Seeing content related to mental health in recent times has reminded me that God is mindful of me.

‘How?’, you may ask. For about 3 weeks I was in a terrible place mentally. Normally, I struggle a lot with anxiety and I try to actively fight against it, but in recent times, I honestly felt like I was on the the verge of a mental breakdown. The only reason I didn’t break down completely was that I practically begged myself into seeing reason, because if I had broken down ehn…

While I really want to go into the depths of the mental health topic, that will be a post for another day. Today, I want to focus on how fickle our feelings can be, and when not handled properly, how they can ultimately affect the state of our mental health.

You know how you wake up in the morning and just think “I don’t feel like doing anything”, but you have a ton of things that demand your attention? While it is completely okay to have days when you need to rest because your energy level is about to ‘lazzident’, I realized that most times, 4 out of 7 days in a week, I just want to laze around and not have to face any responsibilities. Not because I have been smashing my goals and I need a break, but because I ‘feel’ like being lazy (which is the father of unproductivity).

People say things like “listen to your emotions”, but this past month, almost every content that I have actively engaged with has been about how deceptive our emotions or feelings can be, and now that I’m in a better head space, I have analyzed my situation and realised that my feelings were lying to me most of the time.

At the beginning of this post I said that I hadn’t been in a good place ‘mentally’, and while my reasons seemed valid at the time, I have now realized that most of what was affecting my mental health came from my ‘feelings’. I ‘felt’ like I wasn’t going to become who I’m supposed to become. I ‘felt’ that if I tried to live in the moment and be happy, something could snatch that happiness from me.

As I write this, I’m in a better place mentally and now ‘na just vibes dey my head’. I was able to look back at this past month where practically everyday I ‘felt’ so unmotivated to do anything, analyze the whole situation, and ultimately conclude that I must not let my ‘feelings’ dictate how to live my life.

Again, I will say that if I had been smashing my goals and I had been on a roll, taking a mental health break would have been completely justifiable. I knew I couldn’t exactly take any break per se because I had (and still have) a ton on my plate, and to be honest, on my part I was just being lazy. But I am now making a CONSCIOUS decision to not listen to my feelings, but to let The Holy Spirit lead me, because omo, the more I follow my ‘feelings’, the more unproductive and prone to anxiety I become.

Here is another example; when I’m on my period or ovulating, I ‘feel’ the need to have extra love and attention, and sometimes I say stupid things and talk about how much I miss my previous relationship and I want the person I was with to check up on me (this is your table too, don’t lie), but (omo) when I get back to normal and remember that I don’t even feel this way in the least (tufiakwa), I always thank God that The Holy Spirit held me down and pulled my ears so that I don’t become the ultimate clown.

Bottom line, sometimes your ‘feelings’ are lying to you, especially when you have to step out of your comfort zone. I learnt recently to rest ‘purposefully’. That is, rest, not because I ‘feel like’ or want to, but because I have to and NEED to. That way, I become more productive and work towards being the best version of myself, not in the nearest future, but from that very moment.

SO HELP ME GOD

Oya, beat your chest 5 times and say “anxiety na bastard”, because las las your feelings could be lying to you.

Published by The Lagos Ajebo

Just an opinionated Lagosian trying to navigate life through the help of The Holy Spirit

37 thoughts on “FICKLE PICKLE”

  2. Laziness na bastard!!

    Thank you so much ininini!

    I can totally relate with this so much. I’m learning not to let my ‘feelings’ determine my productivity. Now, it remains to get off this couch and gaan read.

    Purposeful rest! That’s a term that I’d keep close to my heart

    Thank you!

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  3. This. Through out the previous month, I battled this too. I was anxious about everything and lazy about everything and couldn’t bring myself to any productivity. But las las, anxiety na bastard sha.

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  4. Anxiety na what??? Bastard! The anxiety I’ve had and still battle with makes me what to leave the online and just dey my dey, maybe it will stop. Periods??? I already decided last month that from the middle or the next month, I will stay away from certain people and certain content that coupled with my hormones, deceive the hell out of me. I get irritable, angry and touchy. So instead of letting the emotions put me in trouble. I place a lid on it’s triggers. I’m learning to live above how I feel, not disregard them feelings, but handle them enough to not affect my life. Anxiety na bastard. Thanks Ini

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  9. I don’t know you but I believe you are God sent to me. I’ve been battling with anxiety for the past 4 months. I usually try to avoid it by distracting myself with social media until I’d break down. Then I’d take a break from social media for a few days and I would feel better then go back and the cycle continues. I’ve put off a lot of productive things because Of my feelings. I would let negative thoughts stop me. I would overthink things, honestly the list goes on. And when I find myself being positive and productive something just puts me off and I find myself at the beginning. Im making progress and what you wrote is encouraging me to keep on fighting and by God’s Grace I will. So thank you so much for this. God bless

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    1. I’m soooo happy to hear this. Honestly, what you’ve just described feels like you just described me from top to bottom. I’m learning to hold on TIGHT to what God’s Word says, and I know that God tells me that I have not received a spirit of fear, but of courage and sound mind. Remind your mind, spend time in God’s Word, talk to people that you can trust. And remember that you are graced and equipped to conquer WHATEVER it is that is causing you to be afraid. You are more than a conqueror. I hope this helps. You can still reach out to me if you like.

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  10. This is very insightful and coming from a Personal POV, I’d say this is one of the best article (IDK what you call it though)
    And, yes, i been seeing a lot of mental health post (I will not lie, i am currently preparing my podcast and the theme for this month is Mental Health and creatives) although, i won’t be talking about feelings specifically, i think they all relate and i must say, i am proud of myself and other creatives such as you. Keep creating, i will also try my best.
    *beating my chest and saying* “anxiety na bastard” – my chest hurts after though.

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  14. This is the truth.com !!

    Honestly, I’ve been having more and more of these types of days and have had to drag myself out of bed to do the needful and after I’ve seen to all the things that needed my attention I feel more fulfilled and I’m able to rest better.

    God bless the honesty of your work 😩💖

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    1. Amen ooo😩. I’ve kuku been wondering where you were🤧. Nothing beats resting when you’re fulfilled. No guilty conscience can wake you up and be fonring hard guy😂. Thank you for reading my baby 🤧❤

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  15. I love this piece, something everyone should get to know and be enlightened on … Good write-up⁦👌🏽⁩⁦🖖🏽⁩

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  16. Ini you shattered my table 😭. But sometimes, I’m torn between resting purposefully and resting because I want to be lazy. Like, I had a stressful week, didn’t get enough sleep on Sunday so I keep positioning what I need to do till it’s too late and because I still haven’t gotten enough rest. Ugh!

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  17. I felt this deep in my cheat *ouch*😩 for real though, I’ve been going through this since the lockdown began, feeling lazy to be productive, like I have a lot on my plate but then my body and mind is just so weak or times were I felt I needed some attention from a particular person or what not. I relate to this 100% I just pray the holy spirit guide us into doing what is right 🙏

    Lot of love from vii❤

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  18. Emotions have a way of trapping youuu😭😭😭Emotions ft Procrastination, Self doubt and the entire gang.
    But Omo God did not give me those fickle pickles so yeah! Anxiety and the rest na Bastard😂😂😂😂

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