The Lagos Ajebo

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Remind your mind; Anxiety na bastard
The Lagos Ajebo, 20forever

List of things I don’t “feel” like doing
1. Putting this blog post out there
2. Sending my friends BCs to help spread awareness about my blog
3. Working out
4. Saving money and not satisfying my cravings

Before, during or after reading this post, I want you to stand in front of a mirror, beat your chest five times and tell yourself “anxiety na bastard sha”.

You may be wondering why I am repeating that sentence. In recent times, I have been seeing a LOT of posts or content tilted towards mental health and I couldn’t be happier. Mental health is a topic that is important to me because I’ve had my fair share of dilemmas regarding my mental health. Seeing content related to mental health in recent times has reminded me that God is mindful of me.

‘How?’, you may ask. For about 3 weeks I was in a terrible place mentally. Normally, I struggle a lot with anxiety and I try to actively fight against it, but in recent times, I honestly felt like I was on the the verge of a mental breakdown. The only reason I didn’t break down completely was that I practically begged myself into seeing reason, because if I had broken down ehn…

While I really want to go into the depths of the mental health topic, that will be a post for another day. Today, I want to focus on how fickle our feelings can be, and when not handled properly, how they can ultimately affect the state of our mental health.

You know how you wake up in the morning and just think “I don’t feel like doing anything”, but you have a ton of things that demand your attention? While it is completely okay to have days when you need to rest because your energy level is about to ‘lazzident’, I realized that most times, 4 out of 7 days in a week, I just want to laze around and not have to face any responsibilities. Not because I have been smashing my goals and I need a break, but because I ‘feel’ like being lazy (which is the father of unproductivity).

People say things like “listen to your emotions”, but this past month, almost every content that I have actively engaged with has been about how deceptive our emotions or feelings can be, and now that I’m in a better head space, I have analyzed my situation and realised that my feelings were lying to me most of the time.

At the beginning of this post I said that I hadn’t been in a good place ‘mentally’, and while my reasons seemed valid at the time, I have now realized that most of what was affecting my mental health came from my ‘feelings’. I ‘felt’ like I wasn’t going to become who I’m supposed to become. I ‘felt’ that if I tried to live in the moment and be happy, something could snatch that happiness from me.

As I write this, I’m in a better place mentally and now ‘na just vibes dey my head’. I was able to look back at this past month where practically everyday I ‘felt’ so unmotivated to do anything, analyze the whole situation, and ultimately conclude that I must not let my ‘feelings’ dictate how to live my life.

Again, I will say that if I had been smashing my goals and I had been on a roll, taking a mental health break would have been completely justifiable. I knew I couldn’t exactly take any break per se because I had (and still have) a ton on my plate, and to be honest, on my part I was just being lazy. But I am now making a CONSCIOUS decision to not listen to my feelings, but to let The Holy Spirit lead me, because omo, the more I follow my ‘feelings’, the more unproductive and prone to anxiety I become.

Here is another example; when I’m on my period or ovulating, I ‘feel’ the need to have extra love and attention, and sometimes I say stupid things and talk about how much I miss my previous relationship and I want the person I was with to check up on me (this is your table too, don’t lie), but (omo) when I get back to normal and remember that I don’t even feel this way in the least (tufiakwa), I always thank God that The Holy Spirit held me down and pulled my ears so that I don’t become the ultimate clown.

Bottom line, sometimes your ‘feelings’ are lying to you, especially when you have to step out of your comfort zone. I learnt recently to rest ‘purposefully’. That is, rest, not because I ‘feel like’ or want to, but because I have to and NEED to. That way, I become more productive and work towards being the best version of myself, not in the nearest future, but from that very moment.

SO HELP ME GOD

Oya, beat your chest 5 times and say “anxiety na bastard”, because las las your feelings could be lying to you.

HONEY, I’M HOME!!!

It’s not about perfection, it’s about progression –

I saw on the internet today, somebody called herself “the laziest-hardworking person you’d meet”, and I was just like “I can so relate”. I realize that while it’s easy for me to wake up and say “I don’t feel like being productive”, I also realized that the seemingly little things put me in a productive mood. And because I’m such a sweetheart, I have decided to bless you all with my ‘discovery’, because do you know what is better than drawing up a to-do list? Yup, actually ticking things off your list. Feel free to feel attacked, so that you can work on your productivity. Yes, I’m talking to myself.

1. Quiet Time: As ‘preachy’ as this sounds, there is no better way to put yourself in a very productive mood than communicating with The very Person that not just helps you be productive, but also blesses the works of your hands. Really, you should try it.

2. Brush yo teeth: Bruv!!!!!! There are times where I just wake up(mostly in the afternoon, judge me not), and I just think to myself “ughh, the world is so annoying and stressful”, but then I realize I only feel like crap because my breath smells like crap( if you thought morning breath was bad, you should try afternoon breath). Brush yo teeth fam, and watch your attitude toward work become as minty as your breath (assuming you brush your teeth well that is).

3. Exercise: Haq Haq Haq, don’t worry, I’m the carpenter of this table that I’m even shaking. I haven’t been feeling very healthy because I’ve been cooked up indoors so I decided to try yoga, which turned out to be an epic fail because those poses were not ‘beans’. I am however willing to try again by starting with the simple poses and sticking to easy workout routines, like 30 minutes on a treadmill, etc, because it’s people that are alive that can be productive. Also, somehow, exercising helps put you in a better, and ultimately more productive mood.

4. Healthy Eating: Do you always eat like a thief? Do you sneak into your kitchen at 2am to eat cake? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m aggressively shaking my own table. As much as I used to think that I was immune to weight gain, this lockdown period has proven me otherwise. At first, I indulged myself because ‘a girl’s gotta be thick’, but now ‘ a girl’s just adding weight in her hands and constantly feels unhealthy and bloated’. Bottom line, eat well (stop eating like a thief and eat some fruits, hian).

5. Skincare: For me, having clean and healthy skin puts me in a very confident mood because in my head my skin is so clean and bright that it can blind my enemies (in this case, unproductivivity). Instead of making your bank account weep premium tears all in the name of skincare, you can indulge in some DIY skincare masks with items you can find in your kitchen such as;

–Honey, brown sugar and lemon juice scrub,

–Oats and Honey mask, and so on.

Honey is just your realest G when you’re home.

6. Classy Semo: Playing dress-up can actually help to not just brighten your mood, but make you feel super confident. If all else fails and you’re still too lazy to play dress up, up your ‘semo’ game. You might look like you just got out of a fight with an alligator, but at least, your shades were on point

P.S, I still struggle greatly with being productive, but it is finding inspiration and joy in the seemingly little things of life that helps lift my spirits and makes me feel ready to take on the world. It’s okay to have ‘off-days’ where you just want to be alone and shut out the world. Just don’t forget to brush your teeth (hehehe).

DORA ZE EXPLORER

*Dusts cobwebs*. Hi guys!!!! Welcome back to my YouTube channel (hehe). Seriously though, I’ve missed you guys *inserts wiping tears emoji*. A brief heads up: as a lifestyle blogger, I’d be creating these kinds of content from time to time, because a baby girl can’t always be too serious or “deep”. Enjoy, x.

I’m a foodie with a tiny appetite (I don’t know what I did to offend my body). Before this whole Corona virus drama, I told myself that this year is going to be my year to embrace my inner Dora, become an explorer, and have lots of adventures, mainly food. I don’t know if you can relate, but with the very “omo get inside” upbringing that I have, I was never really allowed to go anywhere.

P.S. Biko, at the end of this post, those of you that can go out freely without your parents cutting off your head, please give me your tips. Perhaps it’s the perfume that I’m using, or soap, because I don’t get it ooo.

Anyways, because of my inability to get my parents permission to leave the house about 92% of the time, I have compiled a list of common places in Lagos that anybody who is anybody has visited, except me though. Try not to laugh at me too much, I beg of thee.

1. Danfo Bistro: If you’re looking for a restaurant that has great food and would make you feel super connected to the very essence of Lagos, this is the place for you. The way they turn everyday traditional dishes into dishes that should have featured in the movie “Ratatouille” is simply amazing. However, before I can give my heart to a restuarant, I have to google their menu and find out whether my bank account is going to weep premium tears after patronizing them or not. With this place, it surely will. I saw their bread and ewa agoyin (or bread sandwich as they called it) for #4,000. Abeg Abeg, something that I will buy from Iya Sukurat for #200 with a cold bottle of Sprite and be happy with my life. I still want to visit this place though (haq haq).

Photo Credit: Google and IG.
Compilation: Me

2. Ofada Boy: Phew! Nothing screams Lagos, Nigeria more than sexy ofada rice and plantain, luckily for you this place screams it the loudest and adds a little bougieness to it. I can’t remember if my bank account is scared of this place or not. If you’re looking to go on a date and you and your date want to act bougie, but not too pretentious, this is the place for you. Get to know each other over a spicy bowl of ofada rice, and if you like, a lirrl bit of palm wine too.

3. Hard Rock Cafe: If you think you’re bad and bougie in this Lagos and you haven’t visited this place, please rethink your bad and bougieness. Yes, I’m shaking my own table. From the chill jazz vibe indoors, to the beach like ambience outdoors, this place if the perfect place to look for a husband or wife. No wonder I’m still single.

4. Rufus and Bee: This place has everything that I would consider as being the idea of a perfect date. I mean, a place that has food and an arcade? *plays Hallelujah chorus*. If you’re anything like me, this place would appeal to you because you have all the resources that you need to both stuff your face with food and constitue a nuisance (because of the arcade), both of which I’m super good at (sigh, except that I have such a tiny appetite). Dear future suitor, if you’re reading this, put this down on your “Resources to woo Ini” list.

I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Have you gone to any of these places before? Are any of them on your wishlist?

R2D2

If you’re familiar with the Star Wars franchise (don’t worry, my own familiarity too isn’t that deep), the name R2D2 wouldn’t be strange to you. For those that don’t know, R2D2 is the name of one of the space robots in the star wars franchise. I can’t go into details about R2D2’s character and what not (mainly because I don’t remember that much about Star Wars).

Sometime last week or so, I lost a class mate of mine to Diabetes and it really affected my thoughts and actions because I could barely function. I also have never looked at my goals and plans in life so differently like I do now.

I used to pride myself in knowing that someday, sometime really deep in the future I will surely die,but that for now, because of all the potential that God has deposited in me and how I am barely halfway into executing it, I can’t die yet. That was until last week though where someone whose potential and impact couldn’t be measured, passed away.

While I am still shaken from his death, that is not necessarily the essence of this post. You see, last week when I was hurting, crying, and questioning so many things, I realized that a lot of people both physically and virtually, were walking on eggshells around me because my emotions were all over the place. Their actions confused and hurt me at the same time. It was almost like they didn’t know what to do or say to me. I’m not talking about cheering me up, I’m referring to their inability to respond “appropriately” to my grief.

Before you run off and start thinking that I’m a selfish and entitled human, hear me out. I realise that a lot of us, myself inclusive, don’t know the “proper way” to be there for our loved ones when they are hurting. I used to beat up myself for this before, until I realized that there is no such thing as a “proper way” to console people. I’m not just referring to loss of a loved one, I’m also talking about being there for your friends when they’re in a dark place.

I always thought I was such a terrible friend because in my head I wasn’t giving my friends the appropriate response to their pain. It’s even more frustrating when you realize that you have different relationships with different people and they all require different reactions to their different problems (lol, I know right, so many differences). I have certain friends that do not like opening up about anything at all, and to be very honest, this always makes me feel a type of way because I want to show them that they can count on me to understand them and be there for them, because as they say “a problem shared is a problem half-solved”.

At this point, I realized that with every unique relationship, comes unique actions that will help to sustain said relationship. After a ton of self-evaluation, I asked myself why it bothered me so much that some of my friends found it difficult to open up to me. I then realized that I was being selfish. I was so bent on proving to my friends (and mostly myself) that I am such a good friend, that I forgot that it’s not about my trying to prove that I’m a good person, but ultimately being there for my friend, whatever that means in my friend’s concept.

You may ask yourself “why can’t it be about both things so that it becomes a win-win?”, however, most of us focus on ourselves so much that we don’t stop to ask ourselves “what does my friend want me to do?”. Here comes the application of everything you’ve ever learnt and are still learning about that friend in particular.

Bottom line, there is no such thing as the perfect friend because people will always be people, however, you can simply talk to your friend at a random time and ask “how can I be a better friend to you?”.

When the news of my classmate’s death was still very fresh, I had so many questions and doubts about my life, but one thing that I remember discreetly is that I wished I didn’t feel emotions as deeply as I do, which ultimately (somehow) terribly affects my actions and the things that I chose to meditate on. This is where R2D2 comes in (because I couldn’t think of a cooler robot). It’s easy for us to wish we were as cold as robots (in terms of not wanting to have to feel so much if you’re even feeling anything at all) when we experience a loss or someone close to us suffers a loss, but I have learnt not to be ashamed of my heightened emotions and to let myself feel as much as my feelings deem fit, because then can my true healing begin.

How do you comfort your friends or loved one’s when they are hurting?

HOW TO FIND LOVE IN LAGOS TRAFFIC

In my very first blog post, you’d remember that I said I was going to be giving gist from time to time, today is that wonderful day. Calm your chest, I’m not going to be shaking (very) heavy tables today. Just enjoy my sweet gist.

If you’ve ever watched an adventure movie based in the Jungle, you’d most likely be familiar with the adrenaline rush that comes with the dangers and thrill of living on the edge in the Jungle. The unpredictability of the entire plot, all the gbas gbos that the danger brings which leaves you on the edge of your seat, and then the beautiful end scene where the characters (that survived) ended up finding the lost treasure. I know I know, I have probably infused almost every jungle movie you know into one. If you’re a good story teller or you know how to identify a good story, then you’d know that all this gbas gbos is what makes the story come alive.

Lagos is a jungle. The city is bursting with craziness, flavour, various smells, thrill, excitement, and so on. As identified in the first paragraph, every successful Jungle (adventure story) requires twists and turns here and there in order to find the treasure which is either lost, hidden, or more often than not, non-existent.

Love on the other hand is a treasure. It is considered to be one of the most precious things in the world. That butterfly feeling you get in your stomach and lungs just at the thought of the object of your affection. The term for this feeling in our generation is called “Mumu Button”.

When I was younger, I used to be a hopeless romantic. I used to fantasize about finding love in the most unlikely of places and one of these unlikely places is Lagos traffic. Think about it, in all those jungle-adventure movies the treasure is always hidden in the most frustrating place and the story begins to unfold when the main character(s) loses an arm and a tooth (literally or figuratively) trying to find the treasure.

“Have you been to Lagos, have you been with a guy from my city? Hakuna Matata, I like your Matata Matiti” (whatever that means). If you’ve ever fallen in love in Lagos, you’d know how frustrating it can be. Having to sift through the frogs, the scum, the goats just to accidentally find your Prince (or Princess) charming.

However, the bitter-sweet feeling about this hazardous way of finding love is the thrill and excitement that comes with it. Think about it, it may not be thrilling when you’re going through it, but when you’re finally in a happy place, you can look back on how exciting and thrilling it must have been to have your life become a Soap Opera at some point.

If you’ve reached this point, you’re probably thinking to yourself that I’m rambling, but if you’re an active reader of my posts, you would know that I can’t leave a post without throwing in a juicy metaphor to give taste to my post. At first, when I was writing the draft of this post, I really just wanted to talk about my fantasies of actually finding love in actual Lagos traffic. Then I thought to myself that Lagos Traffic is a fantastic metaphor for life.

According to Queen Riri herself, she said “we found Love in a hopeless place”. It was easy when I was younger to be quick to say “God forbid bad thing” to that song, but as I have grown older and suffered in the (sometimes) harsh hands of falling in love, I realize that a lot of us are actually finding love in “hopeless” places. For you, the “hopeless” place might be falling in love with someone that you never imagined could steal your heart, or falling in love with someone that is used to shutting everyone out.

The truth is, I do not have this love thing figured out (I’m even extremely far from it), so I’m sorry if you thought that you would find relationship advice here. I have simply learnt and I am still learning, that love is an adventure. It is thrilling, scary, annoying, breath-taking. What I’m trying to say in essence is that you shouldn’t be so quick to shun the idea of finding love simply because life seems chaotic and frustrating (smh, this is really Lagos traffic) because what better place to find the treasure of love than in the heart of the jungle itself, Lagos traffic.

I am not saying that you should deliberately go and look for love in a chaotic and seemingly toxic environment. I’m just saying that love is not a bed of roses, and sometimes (more often than not), you may not always find love in a comfortable environment.

ARE YOU A WITCH OR A VEGETARIAN?

I already had an entirely different blog post typed and ready for the world, but the good thing about being a blogger ( hehehe, I can officially call myself a blogger now, I can’t stop raising my shoulder) is that you can use every emotion, situation or circumstance to your advantage. Hehehe, just stay tuned.

A couple of days ago, I saw a post on Instagram about “Witchcraft” (I mean this figuratively). The entire idea of the post was centered on jealousy and learning to be happy for people. To be very honest, my first instinct in order to stay “woke” was to comment things like “word”, “preach”, “gbam”, “tell em sister”. But when I digested the entire idea of the post, my heart sank and I’d tell you why.

For a very long time in my life, things did not always turn out the way I planned (which I’m sure you have an idea of if you read my previous post). I would legit have all these amazing plans or ideas, but somehow, something would stop be dead in my tracks and my “ideas” just melt into “wishes”.

The post in question however was focused on attacking those who don’t work hard to get what they want and end up beefing those who do. So why then did my heart sink, you may ask. What happens when you see someone get or achieve something that you’ve always wanted? Something that you’ve always dreamed of? It’s easy to tell people to work towards what they want, but what if things just don’t work in their favour or to the extent that they would like. Ofcourse we all know that there is no food for a lazy man. But would there be food for an anxious man? For a man who becomes weary and discouraged at some point.

Jealousy is not a strange phenomenon to many of us. It might range from being jealous that your younger sibling is getting all the attention, to being jealous that somebody got the promotion that you’ve worked so hard for. Let me not even go too far, you might be jealous that a friend is achieving your dream grades or your crush is giving your friend all the attention. I am not here to focus on the people that don’t work hard (or don’t even work at all) for what they want. My audience today is people who, by no apparent fault of their own, just can’t attain that which they truly desire.

What then happens when all you see is another person’s success (in whatever area of life that you wish you had)? How do you respond? For a while, according to that insta-thread, I would have been referred to as a witch. If you’ve ever had a lot of success in something that I’ve been struggling with, calm down my G, I always show genuine happiness.

Realizing that I have jealous or “beefing” tendencies, times like this just make me super excited that I have a fantastic relationship with The Holy Spirit who immediately pulls my ear and is always quick to remind me that I am the one that is always in a hurry. Sometimes things don’t really go your way because God is trying to protect you from or prepare you for something relating to that situation that you has you constantly telling yourself that “we die here”. A passage in The Bible says that “There is a path that seems right to a man, but in the end is destruction”.

Learn to be a “vegetarian” with the things of life. Vegetarian in the sense of throwing away all that “beef” that makes you resentful towards or unhappy with the person that looks like they’re correctly living your dream. Remember that life is in times and seasons and God is never in a hurry, you are. The decision is entirely up to you to either be a witch and remain jealous or resentful all your life, or live the beautiful life of a vegetarian who knows that there is no gain in unnecessary beef.

HOW TO BE A NIKE BRAND AMBASSADOR

Hi guys! Thank you all for the love on my previous post *inserts wiping tears emoji*. I know that you’re probably looking at the title of this blog post and thinking “Is she even a Nike brand ambassador?” (Haq Haq). Well I have some great news. I am in the process of becoming their grestest brand ambassador and so can you. Just keep reading this post to the end. P.S, a lot of us are going to fall down and break our heads from this table that I shall be shaking violently.

I honestly love to plan but this keeps me from being a spontaneous person most of the time. Some time last week, I was going through my journal and I stumbled upon the page where I wrote my New Year’s Resolutions, most of which I have not achieved because I am not a spontaneous person.

I have learned (somewhat bitterly) that there is a very thin line between thinking (rationally) and overthinking, and my unwillingness to be a spontaneous person is a result of my constant overthinking. Thinking is NECESSARY, while overthinking paralyzes you with fear and takes a perfectly rational situation that requires a rational solution and twists it into a game of clenched teeth and anxious hearts.

Don’t get me wrong, I know a number of us grew up with the Boy Scouts mentality of “always be prepared” because “failing to prepare is preparing to fail”, but a lot of us think of our plans so much and end up not taking any steps at all to actualize these plans, mostly because of fear or laziness.

People talk about how starting a process is the easiest part and the hard part lies in the continuation of that process, but if you read my previous blog post, you’d remember that I said it took me 11 months to get out of my head and just start my blog (which people often assume should be the easiest part).

However, some of us are TOO afraid of failing or looking stupid that we restrict ourselves from letting our hair down and enjoy how thrilling life could be. Some months ago, to encourage spontaneity in my life, I decided to dye my hair, pierce my ears and start doing yoga but I got in my own head again and chickened out.

This is the essence of all my ranting. Learn to be spontaneous and “Just do it”. Spit in the face of anxiety, laziness, lack of motivation and just start that diet, reconcile with that friend, buy that device, cut your hair, do that photoshoot, take that internship (not in this period sha) and stop letting overthinking stop you from living your best life. I mean, what stories do you want to tell your children? Don’t be that typical African parent that always talks about how they were always first position in their class, with no other exciting activity to speak of.

Since you’ve reached this part of the post, you’re probably thinking “I still haven’t seen anything that relates to being a Nike brand ambassador”, but fear thou not because the answer has been staring you in the face this whole time. If you’re familiar with The Nike Brand (pfttt, I mean, who isn’t?), you’d know that their motto is “Just do it”, and boy oh boy did I underestimate the impact of this simple sentence.

Trust me, there is so much more to life than just living a routine life. No matter how little or insignificant the situation may seem, stop holding back and live a little because fulfillment also rests in the seemingly little things. With these few points of mine, I hope I have been able to sway you to join me as we put on our “Nike” shoes (life) and become the greatest Nike Brand Ambassadors the world has ever seen and JUST DO IT.

Say hello to your new “Nike” Brand Ambassador

BLOG PILOT

Hey guys!!. My name is Ini Oye aka The Lagos Ajebo and I’m an extremely opinionated Lagosian who has a lot of gist and knowledge that I can’t wait to share with the world. I’m super excited to bring you on this journey with me because for the longest time, and I mean the absolute longest time, I have been putting off this whole blogging thing majorly because I was afraid of putting myself out there. You know, questions like “what kind of content would people relate to?”or “would people actually read my posts?”, but I’m happy to inform you that I’m finally taking anxiety by it’s horns and kicking it in the face by FINALLY launching this blog. Some other time, I’d give you the gist of how I allowed fear to paralyze me for eleven months before I could finally publish this post, but for now, I am just so happy with all that I’m going to do with this blog. My blog is about anything and everything….lol…What I mean by that is that my blog covers various areas but I’d narrow it down to Faith|Beauty|Lifestyle. Y’all have no idea how excited and relieved I feel that I’m finally uploading this. Again, my name is The Lagos Ajebo and I can’t wait for all the fun that we’re going to have together. Peace out. P.S, I’m still trying to figure out this whole WordPress thing so please bear with me😫.

With Loads of Love,

THE LAGOS AJEBO